EPISODE #81

The Accidental Gay Parents, 4

EPISODE #81

The Accidental Gay Parents, 4

We continue our saga with Trystan and Biff. When we left off, things were tough. They’re about to get tougher.

Tune in to hear the unlikely technique for what breaks their passive-aggressive standoff. And if you’re new to the series, listen to parts one, two, and three first.

Biff and Trystan with their kids Riley and Hailey

Biff and Trystan with their kids Riley and Hailey

Resources for Transgender Reproductive Health
If you’re female-to-male transgender, it can be hard to find reliable information on your reproductive health. There are barely any studies on this population. The doctor we consulted with for episodes 80 and 81, Dr. Alexis Light, led one of the most comprehensive studies about transgender men and pregnancy, published in Obstetrics & Gynecology.

Dr. Light also pointed us to this Q&A from the website Original Plumbing, for an explanation of the confusing relationship between testosterone, periods, and pregnancy.

To find a doctor who is trained in supporting the transgender community—and for general transgender health care information, check out The World Professional Association for Transgender Health and The Center of Excellence for Transgender Health.

Got a resource you like? Add it in the comments!

What part of Trystan & Biff’s story reminds you of YOUR life?
We’ve covered so much in these four episodes. Adoption, LGBT issues, pregnancy, miscarriage, and general relationship tension. Tell us how you relate most to Trystan and Biff. Or what takeaways you’ve been able to apply to your own relationship?

Top photo by Derrek Becker

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51 thoughts on “EPISODE #81: The Accidental Gay Parents, 4

  1. Trystan and Biff’s story was so moving, touching, and applicable to anyone who’s ever felt pressured to make a grand leap early on in a relationship. It also resonates because sometimes one partner wants something and the other partner is not on board.

    I am 36 and have a child from a relationship I had in my twenties. I’m desperate to have another baby, but my current partner (not my son’s biological father) wavers on the topic almost daily. He is ten years older than I am, and insists that children born of older men have a greater chance of schizophrenia. He also suffers from ED so I can’t “trick” him into getting me pregnant (which is a gross thing to do anyway).

    T & B’s story really helped illustrate how communication and perseverance can arrive at compromise and joy. I’m new to this podcast and I’m absolutely addicted! Thanks for the captivating stuff.

  2. I so related to what Trystan said about wondering if he had done something wrong after the miscarriage. I had three, back-to-back-to-back, and each time, I cataloged every possible way it could be my fault. Rationally, I knew – as I`m sure Trystan knows – that it wasn`t but emotionally, it’s a very different matter.

    I could learn a lot from them about the meaning of true teamwork with my own partner – my kids are very close in age to theirs. I am so happy to know their family is out there, loving each other.

  3. Although my family dynamic is a bit different (I’m a trans guy, my wife is a lesbian and we have an infant daughter), it is always nice to hear about other LGBT families. In our family, we definitely weren’t “accidental” parents being that there was a lot of money and medical procedures involved in having our daughter but I can relate to the struggles unique to being a trans/cis couple in a world that’s not always so accepting.

    Keep doing what you’re doing guys – and enjoy the life you’re building – you deserve it.

  4. When you asked Trystan when he felt like a parent, and he said it was when Hailey threw up on him….it was like he was inside my head. That was the exact same experience I had when my son, as an infant, threw up all over me. I mean all over me. I had a V-neck shirt on and had vomit in my bra! And I thought to myself “I have vomit all over me and I didn’t throw up myself. Wow. I must really be a parent.”

    Hearing him say that made me smile.

  5. i just want to say that i LOVE this series. it is one of my favorites that you have done. i wish trystan and bif and their kids the best as their family transforms … how ever that may be.

  6. I absolutely love their story. I am the mother of a trans teen boy. It warms my heart to think about someone loving him someday as much as Biff clearly loves Tristan. At this point, he has no desire to have kids at any point, but I am so glad to know that if he changes his mind, it is a real possibility for him. Thank you Biff, Tristan, Riley and Haley!

  7. I was so moved by Tristen and Biff and by how compassionate and loving they are to each other and to their children. When I heard episode 1 over the radio I could not wait to listen to the rest of the podcasts. What they did for these two children, stepping up for them in the way they did – it made me cry.

  8. This is a beautiful story of love, family, healthy connection and parenting. Trysten and Biff are incredibly articulate about so many issues and very thoughtful about their approach to the world. As a Transcare provider, it really warms my heart to have people willing to share their story and thereby open people’s hearts and minds. Thank you so much. Young people are our future.

  9. I heard about this series through “Podcast Playlist’ on the CBC in Canada and I just had to find out more. After listening to all 4, I am so inspired. Please keep us up to date as the adventure continues. It really is the longest shortest time. :)

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