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EPISODE #22

The Mom
Who Did Everything
Wrong

EPISODE #22

The Mom
Who Did Everything
Wrong

before_first_foodWhen Heather Meyers was pregnant, she figured she’d learn how to handle issues around feeding, sleep, and potty training in books and on blogs. But as soon as Rosemary was born, she made it clear: there was no answer to her needs in any stinkin’ book. So Heather had to figure it out as she went along. She started feeding Rosemary real food at three months (at left, eagerly awaiting for her first meal). And she carried her or let her walk everywhere because Rosemary refused to be in a stroller.

carrierDol

Heather was desperate to talk about her parenting “hacks” with other moms. But doing things differently made it nearly impossible to make friends.

Parenting Hacks Hangout: Join Us Next Week
We are teaming up with The Daily Beast and parent-infant social worker Alyson McCormick for our first ever Google Hangout. And we need your help! Submit your hacks (and pleas for help) through Twitter and Facebook with #ParentHacks. More on the live event here.

What are YOUR parenting hacks?
Tell us in the comments.

Top photo: Suzanne Tadros

24 thoughts on “EPISODE #22: The Mom Who Did Everything Wrong

  1. Thank you for this! It really helps to hear these types of stories, where everybody else tells you “This is wrong”, and you try and try doing it the “right” way, but it never works, and then you try it the supposedly “wrong” way, and the problem goes away… It’s good to know that we all try to do the “right” thing, but the actual right thing is the thing that works best for the baby and its family!

  2. I’m guessing by the comments that I’m not the only one who got a little bit of a punched-in-the-gut feeling. It has nothing to do with you or your podcast!

    Those of us who have made opposite “wrong choices” (because in our culture EVERY choice is “wrong”) have a tender spot in this area I believe. I know that every time someone said, “Well, *I* just give him a bottle and he goes right to sleep,” I felt so undermined in my [exhausted, overwhelmed, difficult, even desperate] effort to deal with my non-sleeping, exclusively breastfed but tongue-tied-with-a-terrible latch baby. Clearly I was doing something wrong. And thanks to the glory of mommy-guilt, I’ll bet it’s entirely possible that other mom said her piece in such a snotty voice because she was feeling yucky inside for having “taken the easy route.”

    Which is the glory and the danger of what you are doing…giving us a safe place to not have to compete…but at the same time we all risk something touching those painful spots.

    Have you seen this, I think it’s wonderful: http://ctworkingmoms.com/end-the-mommy-wars-photo-special/

  3. Up to this point, I wasn’t a podcast or “mommy-blog” person, but I LOVE this podcast series. So Thank you. I have found myself crying or laughing or gasping during every episode, but mostly, I’ve been comforted in some way by every story. Kudos, Hillary.

    This episode in particular was spot on in my world. I have a daughter who is strikingly similar. I was so reassured and validated that my ‘strange’ approach was not in fact ‘wrong.’ Maybe I got lucky with my decisions and choices, but when you have a child who doesn’t want to snuggle when sleeping and pushes you away or who would rather push the stroller than ride in it… you just have to make it work. So to Heather… I hear you, but more importantly, Thank you.

  4. I’m a new listener to the podcast and love it. Just wanted to say in reference to your dessert “hack” that, while unconventional, Ellyn Satter (a well-known child feeding expert) actually encourages serving dessert at the same time as the rest of dinner and allowing the child to decide when to eat it. This helps them see dessert as just another part of dinner rather than a reward.

  5. Thank you for this podcast! Love listening to stories about “everything she did wrong.”

    Rosemary is an adorable baby and I LOVE her hanbok! :)

  6. Hooray to Heather for following and supporting her daughter’s intrinsic desire for independence. As a Montessori teacher, I think Heather got it all right in “following the child,” a large part of Maria Montessori’s world renown philosophy. Rosemary wanted her mother to help her do it for herself rather than hindering her growth, and it seems like Rosemary really blossomed from the love, trust and freedom.

  7. Thank you to Heather for this. I listened to it when my babe was a few months old and I felt like I had written it. My daughter slept in her own crib when she was a couple days old and slept through the night because she screamed in her bassinet. She drank so much formula and breast milk I thought for sure i was overfeeding her. I would track the ounces and think for sure the pediatrician would scold us if he knew. She started solids happily early. I think our daughters may be soul sisters. As I listen to this again, with a toddler daughter I am now the woman with the kid in the grocery store and target with her holding her hand cause she will lot be confined in a cart or stroller. Thank you for this and for being brave trying new things and knowing there is more than one way to do things. and to do what is best for you and your daughter.

  8. I have really become a fan of this podcast, but I have to admit that I found this episode hard to listen to and I felt compelled to comment. I have been so fortunate to have joined a mommy and me class where everyone is extremely supportive. A lot of us have had tough times with our babes, and it was great to have love and support. That being said, based on the title of this episode and your intro story, I expected to hear about someone that just had to think outside of the box to make it work. But the examples given here didn’t seem so “wrong” to me. I’ve heard of rice cereal in a bottle; I’ve never heard it was so taboo. And many babies don’t last in their parents’ rooms for long – my son was out in two weeks. Something about this podcast just didn’t sit right with me – it was supposed to be about being ok doing things outside of the norm, but it didn’t come off that way.

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