Nicole-Blades-hero-2

PODCAST #33

How Cute!
Is He Yours?

PODCAST #33

How Cute!
Is He Yours?

When Nicole Blades married a white guy, she knew that if they had a kid, that child’s skin color would be lighter than hers.

Nicole & Scott at their wedding

Nicole & Scott at their wedding

Nicole & Scott with their son

Nicole & Scott with their son

What Nicole didn’t count on was people questioning whether their son even belonged to her. In this episode, Nicole talks about what it’s like to repeatedly be mistaken for the nanny. By people of all races.

Plus, find out the perfect quippy comeback that Nicole came up with to battle the “Is he yours?” question—and whether or not it worked.

Nicole-family-scaled

Read Nicole’s writing on race & motherhood
Nicole has written a lot about what she calls being “nannied” by strangers. Read her articles in the New York Times’s Motherlode blog and xoJane, as well as her own blog Ms. Mary Mack, where she writes about race and motherhood, among a wide range of parenting topics.

What’s YOUR trigger question?
As parents, we all seem to have questions that set off immediate inner rage. What question sets you off, and have you found a comeback that makes you feel better?

Wedding photo: Kathryn Le Soine

54 thoughts on “PODCAST #33: How Cute! Is He Yours?

  1. This podcast is amazing, first and foremost. The ‘trigger question’ episode was very close to my heart. Not in regards to race but simply the assumptions strangers will have about my life or my child.

    I am currently pregnant with my second child and I will be scheduling a c-section. Happily. With my first I had a traumatic labor that ended with a healthy child via emergency c-section. I was devastated and felt that I had somehow failed. All the happy ‘natural’ ‘unmendicated’ delivery posts I was seeing in my birth group didn’t help to make it feel any less like a failure. If anything it made it worse. 2 years later and I am making the decision to have a happy stress free schedule c-section. I feel no shame and no guilt about this choice. I’ll be spending the rest of my pregnancy simply happy about the new baby and NOT about weather or not I’m going to have to go trough the same trauma as I did with my first.

    When people find out about this pregnancy they ask me, “So, you’re going to try for a VBAC right?” As if it something that I should be STRIVING for. As the possibility of a ruptured uterus is something that I should face in order to have a ‘natural’ ‘unmedicated’ delivery. Why? Why would I want to put my life and the life of my child through that? When I say, “No, it’ll be a scheduled c-section.” They will tell me about a doctor they know of who specializes in VBAC. Again, assuming that the c-section is not my choice but the choice of my doctor. They will then push to find out WHY I want to have a scheduled c-section. There is just too much to go into and I don’t feel that my choice is something that I need to discuss with strangers. It requires every ounce of self control to NOT shout at the person that I almost died and my daughter almost died the first time and I will not put my family through that again so I can achieve some kind of imaginary mom status.

    In the end I feel like I’m having to defend my choice for my life and my child’s life. With all the stress of being pregnant with a toddler and the normal stress of preparing for a new child why is it OK for people to ask these kinds of questions that are so obviously filled with judgement and condemnation.

    Emergency and scheduled c-sections are shamed in the media and in private communities. There are hateful groups aimed at making those of us who have had them feel like less of a ‘success’. I’m tired of it and the next time someone asks me about going for a VBAC I am going to happily use Nicole’s retort, “Why do you ask?” Thank you Nicole!

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