The Longest Shortest Time

Show Us Your Charts!

When I’m writing a novel, I always get to a point where I have to figure out some logistical details or work out character problems. And I get really excited. Because that means I get to make a chart. Color-coding, graphing, listing—I can’t get enough of it. It’s the math that that helps me turn verbal throw-up into an actual story.

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When I had Sasha, I had to make charts. How many times she nursed each day, how many times she drank pumped breastmilk from a bottle, how many times she drank formula. How much she had of each. How often she peed, how often she pooped. Then there was the stuff about me. When I had my last sitz bath. What time I took each of my many painkillers, supplements, and stool softeners. How often I pooped. Writing all of this down was not as much about keeping a record of the past as it was about planning for the future. How many minutes did I have before Sasha would need to eat again, what time would I need to wake myself up in the middle of the night (and risk waking Sasha up with my alarm) so that I could take another acetaminophen or ibuprofen. I had to take one every 4 hours and one every 6 and I’d look forward to those magical times twice a day when those hours lined up and I could take both pills at once.

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I guess those charts were supposed to serve the same purpose as my book charts: to make order out of chaos. But what they felt like at the time was just a reminder of the chaos. Writing all that stuff down felt like one more chore. Lots of times I’d get my husband to do it, dictating my list of bathroom accomplishments like he was my secretary. When we stopped charting, we stopped cold turkey. I think we just forgot to do it for one feeding and didn’t care. We didn’t realize it then, but that was probably one of the biggest signs that things were starting to get better.

The next LST podcast episode is about a woman who felt compelled to chart everything she ate and her baby’s reaction to her milk after each breastfeeding. You kept charts, too. I know you did. What were in yours? I’m starting a flickr pool so we can all see each other’s charts and feel a little less alone in our obsessiveness. Post yours, too, won’t you?

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