Lauren Lapkus Answers Kids' Unanswerable Questions


Lauren Lapkus Answers Kids' Unanswerable Questions

Maybe you know Lauren Lapkus as the nice prison guard from Orange Is the New Black. Or the sketch comedy series The Characters. Or her awesome podcast With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus.

Back before Lauren was a comedian and actor, she had a long career as a babysitter. And before that, of course, she was a kid. Here’s what she looked like.


And here’s one of her many childhood collections—pristinely preserved soaps.


In this episode, Lauren talks about her own idiosyncrasies as a kid. And she uses her improv skills to answers YOUR kids’ questions about how the world works. Plus, I explain why my mom made me this sign.


What absurd questions do YOUR kids ask?
Tell us, and we may use it on our next Unanswerable Questions show! (Also seeking more answers to Darth Vader’s Hebrew name.)

Our sponsors for this episode are Bombas, Zappos, and Howl.fm. Use the promo code LONGSHORT or TIME at checkout for a special discount.

13 thoughts on “EPISODE #78: Lauren Lapkus Answers Kids’ Unanswerable Questions

  1. Hi there
    DART VADER in Hebrw is as follow:
    אבא של חץ which mean father of the arrow
    And it will be written and sound in English as
    Abba she’ll hez
    Good luck & regards

  2. Do you feel like Lauren took this a little more seriously than intended? I kind of expected her to answer in a hilarious way that was appealing to adults. Instead, she was really sweet and cute about it and seemed to be attempting to help parents come up with great, appropriate responses. She’s cute. Buuuuut I would have liked to hear the vulgar side of her a little more :)

    1. Yeah, I agree. I don’t think parents were looking for answers for their kids, but some comic relief…..like what you might never say in response to these questions. Both times I tuned into hear the comedians I was pretty bored with the podcast – not my usual experience.

  3. Hey – love this podcast but this episode, sooo frustrating! There is such a thing as saying “I don’t know” to a kid and then going and figuring out the answer together instead of making up inaccurate answers. In fact it’s the best life lesson they will ever learn in life.

  4. Darth Vader is, of course, his title as a Sith Lord. His actual name, Anakin Skywalker follows nicely the pattern of a nice European Jew name.

    The “kin” is the equivalent of the Yiddish diminutive “khen” and, taking a liberty with spelling, could easily be “Enoch-khen”, or “Little Enoch”

    As for the last name, see this article (http://jewishcurrents.org/the-origins-and-meanings-of-ashkenazic-last-names-12849) and find the section of “INVENTED ‘FANCY SHMANCY’ NAMES”. “Skywalker” fits right in with names like “Goldblatt” (“Golden Leaf”) and “Rosenberg” (“Rose Mountain”). Translated to Yiddish: “himl voker”, or angliciszed slighly to “Himmelvokker”

    So, Vader’s Yiddish name: Enoch Himmelvokker

    1. Darth Vader does follow a religion, all Jedi, light and dark do. There is a religion built up around the Force, though it is never given a clear name besides that of the Force.

  5. My 4 year old son wants to know why he doesn’t have “Christmas magic.” He is really into the nutcracker (and we read it EVERY night!). He (and my husband and I) totally believe in magic, yet why hasn’t he been to the land of sweets?!

  6. I think Darth Vader’s Hebrew name would be Goliath or Golyat. A seemingly immovable evil, a big bad scary guy, confronted by the underdog and toppled by hope. Right?

  7. This was hilarious! I loved Lauren’s riffing on the (equally funny) kids’ questions. Great balance of chat and snorting-with-laughter moments.

    1. Hi Claire! Thanks for sharing this. What a stumper.
      We’d love to have you record your daughter on your smartphone asking this question and saying her name + age. Then you can email it to us at audio@longestshortesttime.com. We might use it on an upcoming Unanswerable Questions episode!

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