The Longest Shortest Time

EPISODE #258: The Pressure to Be the Perfect Black Father

When Mark Anthony Neal was growing up, his father worked six days a week as a short order cook, so he wasn’t around much. When Mark Anthony had kids of his own, he vowed that he’d be more involved in his daughters’ lives. He promised himself he’d be the perfect father. But with that promise came a lot of pressure.

After a panic attack nearly made him lose control on the highway, Mark Anthony bottled up his anxiety and pretended everything was fine.

It was only years later, when he secretly started therapy, that he was able to unpack how societal expectations around Black masculinity led him to a mental health crisis.

Tune in for a riveting conversation about one father’s attempt to be perfect… and his path to accepting that he couldn’t be.

More from Mark Anthony Neal
Mark Anthony Neal is a professor of African and African American Studies at Duke. His new book is Save a Seat for Me: Notes on American Fatherhood.

Recommendations from the archive
• A scholar’s take on why “colorblindness” is dangerous: How to Not (Accidentally) Raise a Racist
• More on the stigma around therapy in the Black community: When Are You Gonna Be Normal Again?
• A Black mom on raising a passing son: How Will They Know I’m Black?